Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it hurts more in the daytime
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
