Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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