Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
