We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Randomize
