I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
