Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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