Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
