woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm really busy with my period
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