I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
