so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
