You work out of a Hotel?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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