omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
