he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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