Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
