She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love you.
Bad choice
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