I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
