how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
