I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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