i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
