i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
