remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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