You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
