then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
