i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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