Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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