When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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