Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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