Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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