have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
