ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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