coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
