wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
only if we run a train.
done.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
