Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
