OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
