We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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