Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
