Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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