my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
