Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
