There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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