I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
