sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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