Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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