How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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