Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
