I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
false alarm. still invincible.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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