About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
