I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is Oprah even human
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
