Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
