I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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