after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
