Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
