Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
