i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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