dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
