That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
