And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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