Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
