Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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