Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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