How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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