Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
