you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
