Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
