just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
