Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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