Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
