party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
