yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
