i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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