you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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