We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
