was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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