hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
