I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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