I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
