ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
