They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
