Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She's like a pop up book from hell.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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